How to be a successful villain

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I’ve read enough comic books and watched enough movies based on comic books that I think I can teach someone how to be a successful villain. So, to quote the Joker in Dark Knight, Here . . . we . . . go!

First off, you don’t have to be a supervillain. No need for a giant head or a genetically modified body. Seriously, have you considered the problems with having a huge, spiked body? Think of the furniture you will ruin. Not to mention the need to be constantly naked.

Second, you need reliable minions. (Also, quick tip, don’t call them minions. Follow Walmart’s lead and call them associates.) This means good pay, a flexible work schedule, paid vacations and holidays, overtime, sick time, and most importantly, health and dental insurance. They are going to get hit by things like shields and stun rays. They need to know broken…

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